Saturday, August 27, 2005

Dutch authorities investigate "Big Brother" baby - Yahoo! News: "AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch authorities are investigating
plans by the producers of the 'Big Brother' reality television
show to include a pregnant contestant who will give birth on
the show."
EXCERPT FROM MY DOG'S DIARY

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in my master's bed! My favorite!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat
dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by
weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try
this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make
them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
(Hmmm, not working according to plan.)

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my
power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my ad! vantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait;
it is only a matter of time.